A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
