I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
