I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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