it hurts more in the daytime
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize