i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Still dying that you shit outside
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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