i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
