another moral hangover. fuck.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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