i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
