He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
