Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
