Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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