Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When are your genitals available?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
