so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
