I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
