Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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