the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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