help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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