That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
