Me. At least after what I've been through.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
not ubering you a puppy
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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