Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
