i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
