we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
