dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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