no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
