Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
