and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize