I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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