I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
