Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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