He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize