My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she peed on how many people?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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