My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
