So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His nipple licking is glorious
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
