Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
