what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
