listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize