never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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