Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
