So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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