Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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