I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
