No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
