The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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