i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You smell like stripper and shame
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
