he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize