I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
