I wish I only lived at night.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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