Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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