I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
