She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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