i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
