considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
