Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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