I got chris browned last night
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
