Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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