i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
