therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize