I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
