The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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