The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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