he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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