Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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