I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
