Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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