she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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