i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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