Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
