Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize