I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
