You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
