fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
