Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
