If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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