My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
