i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize