you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
