Me. At least after what I've been through.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
