this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
