Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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