i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize