His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize