Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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