my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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