hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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