he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
